“But I Was Here First!”: Helping Preschoolers Learn to Consider Others
“But I was here first!”
Preschoolers often see fairness from their own point of view. If they arrived first, chose the toy first, or were waiting for a turn, they may believe that means they should get what they want first.
For young children, learning to consider others does not happen simply because we tell them to “share” or “take turns.” It takes practice noticing that other people have needs, ideas, and turns too.
A Preschooler’s Point of View
A child who says, “But I was here first!” may not be trying to be unkind. They may be focused on what is happening to them.
That makes these moments valuable teaching opportunities.
Instead of immediately correcting the child, help them slow down and notice the other person.
You might say:
“You were here first, and now let's think about your friend. What might your friend need?”
This does not mean ignoring the child's desire to have a turn. It means helping the child learn that their needs are not the only needs that matter.
Scripture to Guide the Lesson
Philippians 2:4 (NIV) says:
“not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
For preschoolers, this can become a simple, concrete practice:
“I can notice what someone else needs.”
A child may not fully understand the verse yet, but they can begin practicing its principle through everyday experiences—waiting, taking turns, helping a friend, making room, and listening to another person's idea.
When “First” Becomes the Whole Story
Being first is not always wrong. Sometimes a child really was there first.
The teaching opportunity comes when being first becomes the reason the child believes someone else should not get a turn at all.
Try asking:
“You were here first. What could we do so your friend gets a turn too?”
“How can we make room for both of you?”
“What would be fair?”
“What does your friend need?”
These questions help children begin thinking beyond their immediate wants.
Companion Reel: “Moxie Wants the First Turn”
In the companion reel, Moxie shares what happens when she wants to be first and learns that being first doesn't mean she gets to stop thinking about everyone else.
Consider Others Through Everyday Practice
Preschoolers need repeated opportunities to practice considering others.
During play, encourage children to notice:
Someone is waiting.“What could you do while your friend waits?”
Someone wants a turn.“How can we make sure everyone gets a turn?”
Someone has a different idea.“Can you listen to your friend's idea?”
Someone needs help.“What could you do to help?”
The goal is not perfection.
The goal is to help children gradually develop the habit of looking beyond themselves.
A Small Shift With a Big Purpose
The next time a child says, “But I was here first!” you don't have to turn the moment into a battle over who is right.
You can acknowledge what happened and then help the child look outward:
“Yes, you were here first. Now let's think about someone else too.”
That small shift teaches something much bigger than taking turns.
It teaches children that other people matter.
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