Discernment: Teaching Children to See Beyond What They See

How often do we ask children questions like:

“Do you like her?”

“Do you like him?”

“Is she your friend?”

“Do you like the way he looks?”

“Do you think he’s nice?”

We may think these are harmless questions, but they can teach children to form opinions about people before they actually get to know them.

A child may see someone smiling and think, “They’re nice.”

Another child may see someone who looks different and think, “I don’t like them.”

But neither conclusion tells us what is truly in that person's heart.

The Bible teaches us that God sees differently than we do.

When Samuel was looking at who would become king, God told him:

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”— 1 Samuel 16:7 (NIV)

What We Say and Do Helps Us See Hearts

This is the foundation of our Heart Skills enrichment lesson: “What We Say and Do Helps Us See Hearts.”

Children cannot see another person's heart.

But they can learn to pay attention to what a person says and does.

Our words and actions give us information about what is happening within us.

They can reveal whether we are choosing kindness or selfishness, honesty or dishonesty, patience or impatience, obedience or disobedience.

The lesson chant reminds children:

“What we say and do helps us see hearts!”

This isn't teaching children to judge someone's heart.

It is teaching them discernment.

From Social-Emotional Learning to Discernment

Social-emotional learning should not stop at teaching children to identify feelings.

Children need opportunities to learn how to observe, listen, recognize, and make wise choices.

Instead of simply asking:

“How does that person make you feel?”

we can help children consider:

“What did they say?”

“What did they do?”

“Was that right?”

“Was that kind?”

“Does that agree with what God's Word teaches?”

This moves children beyond simply reacting to feelings and toward learning discernment.

And discernment is especially important when it comes to safety.

Someone may look friendly and still make an unsafe choice.

Someone may look different and still treat us with kindness.

Someone may say something that sounds good while their actions tell us something different.

Teaching children not to judge by appearances does not mean teaching them to trust everyone.

It means teaching them to understand that appearance alone is not truth.

Teach Children God's Truth—Not Just Our Opinions

Our opinions about people can change.

Our feelings can change.

Appearances can be misleading.

But God's Word gives children a foundation for truth.

James 1:5 tells us:

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

Discernment is something we should teach children to seek from God.

We can teach them to love others, treat people with respect, and avoid judging someone simply because of how they look.

At the same time, we can teach them to pay attention to words and actions, recognize when something is wrong, speak up, and seek help from a trusted adult.

We don't teach children to decide who they like before they know someone.

We teach them to see beyond appearances, learn God's truth, and seek His wisdom.

That is where “What We Say and Do Helps Us See Hearts” becomes more than a social-emotional lesson.

It becomes a foundational lesson in learning discernment.

Because children cannot see hearts—but they can learn to recognize what words and actions reveal.

And ultimately, God is the One who sees the heart.