Looking Beyond "That's Just How They Are"
- Tearri Rivers
- 3 hours ago
- 4 min read
A couple of weeks ago I shared a blog post called Listening to Little Hearts: What Our Children's Words Are Really Telling Us. Then I stepped away from writing for a short time.
As I prayed about returning to the blog, I didn't want to jump into something completely different. Instead, I wanted to continue the conversation because I believe the Lord is still teaching me—and perhaps teaching you—that our children's everyday words and actions give us opportunities to disciple their hearts.
I did this follow up Reel to address how our actions reveal our hearts. The scenario is Moxie making revealing that she actually thinks the classroom dinosaur toy is personally hers.
🎥 Companion Reel: Moxie Keeps Snatching the Dinosaur
At first, it would have been easy to smile and say,
"Oh, that's just Moxie. She really loves dinosaurs."
But the more that I reflected on my own life I realized I can testify to Jesus' teachings about how my actions revealed my heart.
In the reel, the dinosaur wasn't the real issue.
The heart was.
Moxie's actions revealed that she believed the toy was hers alone. She wasn't considering that someone else might enjoy playing with it too.
I hope this reel changes the way we respond to each other's actions and look into what it is revealing about our hearts.
Instead of only correcting Moxie's behavior, I wanted to help her understand why it mattered.
Looking Beyond the Behavior
As parents, we often find ourselves explaining away behaviors.
"They're just tired."
"They're strong-willed."
"They've always been like that."
"They're having a bad day."
Sometimes those things are true.
Children do get tired.
They become overwhelmed.
They have big emotions.
But while we should acknowledge feelings, we cannot allow feelings to become excuses that keep us from addressing what the Lord may be revealing.
Jesus never taught us that feelings should lead us.
He taught us that the heart matters.
Our words and our actions reveal what is happening inside.
When a child repeatedly grabs, yells, lies, excludes, or refuses to share, those moments become opportunities—not merely to stop a behavior—but to shepherd a heart.
We Don't Have to Guess
One of the greatest gifts God's Word gives us is clarity.
Jesus tells us:
"For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." -Matthew 12:34
James 1:22 reminds us that we are not called merely to hear God's Word but to do what it says.
Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.
When we are hearers of the Word only, we can become skilled at making excuses.
When we become doers of the Word, we no longer have to guess what God desires.
He has already shown us.
In the reel when Moxie was making excuses for snatching the dinosaur, I had a choice.
I could excuse the behavior because she loved dinosaurs.
Or I could lovingly acknowledge that she needed to grow in self-control and in considering others.
Love requires accountability.
Excuses remove accountability.
And when accountability disappears, feelings often begin leading our decisions instead of God's truth.
Love Thinks About Others
Jesus summarized God's commands beautifully:
Think about that for a moment.
If Moxie would be sad when someone grabbed the dinosaur from her...
Then love invites her to consider that her friend would feel the same way.
That is why self-control matters.
Self-control isn't simply learning to wait.
It is choosing to love someone else enough to pause before acting.
It is learning to ask,
"How will my choice affect someone else?"
These are the kinds of heart skills children will carry into friendships, classrooms, marriages, workplaces, and every relationship the Lord gives them.
What About Us?
As I reflected on Moxie's behavior, the Holy Spirit gently reminded me that adults can do the same thing.
We may not snatch dinosaur toys.
But we can cling tightly to our own preferences.
We can insist on getting our own way.
We can justify impatience, harsh words, or selfish attitudes because we feel hurt, overlooked, or frustrated.
The invitation of Jesus is the same for children and adults.
Hear His Word.
Receive it.
Allow it to expose what is in our hearts.
Then choose obedience instead of excuses.
That is where transformation begins.
A Parent Reflection
This week, watch your child's repeated behaviors with fresh eyes.
Instead of asking only,
"How do I stop this?"
Try asking,
"Lord, what might You be showing me about my child's heart?"
Then ask one more question:
"Is there any place where I'm making excuses for my own heart instead of allowing Your Word to change me?"
When we stop making excuses and start making room for God's truth, our homes become places where hearts—not just behaviors—are transformed.
Prayer
Our Father Who Art in Heaven,
Thank You for loving us enough to tell us the truth about our hearts. Help us not to excuse attitudes or behaviors simply because they have become familiar. Give us wisdom to see beyond our children's actions and lovingly disciple their hearts. And when Your Word reveals areas in our own hearts that need to change, help us to receive it with humility and obedience. Teach us to love others as You have loved us, and produce the fruit of self-control in both our children and in us.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.
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