Are We Teaching Children to Be Humble—or to Always Get Their Way?
Humility Begins at Home
As parents, we want our children to feel loved, valued, and confident. We want them to express their needs, make choices, and know that their voices matter. But in our desire to make our children feel heard, are we also teaching them to consider the needs of others?
Humility begins at home—not simply through what we tell our children, but through what we model, allow, and reinforce every day.
When Our Children Always Come First
Imagine your preschooler insisting on choosing the game every time the family plays together. When a sibling gets a turn, your child complains, refuses to participate, or demands another chance.
As parents, we may be tempted to give in just to keep the peace. We might tell ourselves that our child is still young or that we want them to feel included.
But what happens when we repeatedly allow a child's disappointment to determine the outcome?
Children may begin to believe that their wants should take priority over everyone else's. They may learn to expect others to accommodate them rather than learning how to wait, share opportunities, and celebrate someone else's turn.
These everyday moments give us an opportunity to teach something more important than getting along: the value of considering others.
What Does God Say About Humility?
Philippians 2:3 (NIV) says:
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.”
Biblical humility teaches us to look beyond ourselves and recognize the value of others. It does not mean that our children's needs do not matter. It means helping them understand that their needs and desires are not the only ones that matter.
Our children need to learn that they can express disappointment without demanding their way, enjoy their own opportunities without taking every opportunity, and speak up for themselves while treating others with consideration.
These lessons begin with the way we parent at home.
Companion Reel: Moxie Learns About Humbleness
Watch how an everyday preschool situation can become a teaching moment—helping parents recognize the difference between giving a child what they want and guiding a child toward a humble heart.
How Can Parents Teach Humility at Home?
We do not have to wait for major conflicts to teach our children to consider others. Everyday family life provides opportunities to practice.
When your child wants to go first: Teach them that other family members deserve turns, too.
When your child wants to choose everything: Let them experience the joy of participating in someone else's choice.
When your child loses a game: Help them learn to congratulate the winner instead of insisting that winning is the only satisfying outcome.
When your child becomes upset about a boundary: Acknowledge the disappointment without automatically changing the decision.
For example, you might say, “I know you wanted to choose the game today. Your sister gets to choose this time, and you can have another turn tomorrow.”
You are not dismissing your child's wishes. You are teaching your child that loving others sometimes means allowing someone else to have an opportunity.
Parents Must Model What They Teach
Our children watch how we respond when we have to wait, share, compromise, or accept that things will not always go our way.
If we expect our children to consider others but consistently put our own convenience first, our actions may teach a different lesson than our words.
Humility is not simply telling children to share or take turns. It is showing them what it looks like to value others in our own decisions.
Young children will need reminders, practice, and patient correction. We should not expect perfection. Our responsibility is to guide them consistently toward choices that reflect consideration rather than entitlement.
What Are We Growing in Our Children's Hearts?
The goal is not to raise children who never express their needs or always give in to others. The goal is to raise children who understand that they are valuable—and so are the people around them.
When we stop automatically giving in and begin intentionally teaching, we create opportunities for our children to practice patience, consideration, and biblical humility.
Humility begins at home when children learn that loving others means more than getting their own way.
As parents, let us look beyond whether our children are happy in the moment and consider what our responses are teaching them for the future.
Are we teaching them to expect others to put them first, or are we helping them learn to value others, as Philippians 2:3 instructs us?
The answer begins with the lessons we live out in our homes every day.
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